PIZZA CHAMP
Right around when Covid hit, I was about to post a blog about Elmwood. I had done my due diligence—I was eating there constantly. Crushing the menu. Taking photos of this and that. It was bound to be a blog post of epic proportions, much like my waistline.
Then that goddamn virus hit and changed the game. Elmwood valiantly fought the fight, changing their menu a number of times to figure out what worked for them and what diners wanted. Fine dining to-go is a difficult pill to swallow, and even with a simplified menu, it just wasn’t making sense.
Pizza, on the other hand, always makes sense. Everyone loves pizza. Especially Elmwood’s owners, Chris Kelling & chef Adam Altnether. And I’m here to tell you that I strongly believe Elmwood is instantly in my pantheon for best pizza in St. Louis. Union Loafers, Pastaria, Pie Guy, Noto…they all have their purposes. Elmwood’s is what I would call my “everyday” pizza, because I could eat it every damn day. It’s not quite a New York slice, even if its enormous 16” size makes it seem that way. It’s like however you remember your favorite childhood pizza tasting, but actually true. It’s the pizza the the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were always scarfing down.
I’ve had every Elmwood pizza a number of times, and I can honestly say I like them all, but I’m just going to talk about my Top 4 (unranked).
Marinara
The Marinara pizza may be the simplest pizza on the menu—red sauce, garlic, chili flakes, red onion then just a bit of pecorino and parm shaved on top—but as we all know the simplest things are the hardest to get right. This thing is light, as far as Elmwood pizzas go, which makes it a great appetizer slice before you dive into one of the big boys. I recommend they change the name to the Chris Kelling because it’s lean, spicy, and simple, just like him.
Double Pepperoni
This really is the gateway drug into Elmwood pizza. Most importantly, they’re using Ezzo pepperoni, the newly crowned king of the ‘roni. It’s the same that they use at Loafers and Louie. It cups up and, most importantly, gets deliciously crunchy (‘cronchy’ as the kids say). I know some amateurs out there are going to look at this and be like THAT PEPPERONI IS BURNED but it isn’t. And if you don’t like it, you’re wrong. Sorry. The second most important thing about this pizza is the sheer quantity of pepperoni on it. It’s like a normal amount, but doubled. That’s almost three times the normal ‘roni levels. Wow.
Taco Pizza
I don’t think I’ve had a taco pizza since I was in grade school because even then I realized that taco pizzas are bad. When I saw taco pizza on Elmwood’s menu, I scoffed at it. I turned my nose up. I wrote a 1-star Yelp review without ever having taken a bite.
But then I did take a bite, and after consulting with my therapist, I’m willing to admit that I was wrong. Bad taco pizza is bad. Good taco pizza is excellent. The pizza is topped with a pizza-taco sauce, ground beef, mozz, cheddar, red onion, then tomato, lettuce, tortilla strips, and a crema post-bake. I can’t tell you the number of nights I’ve scarfed down 3 giant slices of this then wandered the halls of my house like an old timey ghost, just moaning due to how uncomfortably full I was. Totally worth it.
Buffalo Chicken
I’ve made no secret of my love of buffalo chicken pizza. I can tell you, without any hesitation in my clogged up heart, Elmwood’s is the best I’ve had. Why? Because they’ve put some thought into it. So many buff chix zzas just go overboard—piling bleu cheese and dry AF baked chicken over a hot sauce base. No finesse, no balance. Elmwood’s is treated as a cheese pizza initially, but when it comes out of the oven, bleu cheese crumble, sliced celery, and these beautiful, crunchy nuggets of fried chicken tossed in house buffalo sauce are spread on top.
Every pizza on the menu is worth ordering, though. There are no stinkers. The “When in Rome” with roasted potatoes, corn, bacon, red onion, and rosemary is one of their most popular pies, but I just prefer red sauces over white sauce on my pizza. They also have sides well worth considering, like their classic chopped salad, arancini, and chicken wings. Also! They do delivery within a 5 mile radius of the restaurant, and more often than not, Chris Kelling himself will bring the pizza right up to your door. That’s service for ya.