Stuff to eat. Mostly around St. Louis.
Balkan Treat Box
Balkan Treat Box is the best food truck in St. Louis. Hell, I’d even go so far as to say the food coming out of this is more flavorful and exciting than the food you find at a lot of restaurants in town.
There are really two ways you can treat a food truck: you can use it as a mobile food delivery service (scoop-and-serve; you’re bringing pre-cooked food to people) or you can use it as a mobile restaurant, which is what owners Loryn and Edo Nalic do.
What you get when you order from their truck is truly freshly made as you wait. Well, besides the airy somun bread (pita’s Bosnian cousin), which is baked fresh in the truck’s goddamn wood-fired oven just before service.
The cevapi (che-va-pee) are like mini-sausages made of a simple mix of ground beef mixed with onion and garlic, finished on the goddamn wood-fired grill—yes, they have a grill and oven inside of their truck, and yes, it’s about 1,000 degrees in there during the summer. Don’t be deceived by the simplicity; I can’t stop eating this hamburger stick sandwich, served with kajmak (kind of like a cream cheese) and ajvar (a mildly spicy roasted red pepper relish).
For the döner kebab—one of the world’s great drunk foods—Loryn makes seasoned chicken thighs with aleppo, urfa, fresh herbs, sumac, and more before stacking them into a meat mountain and letting them slowly roast on a spit until their edges are crispy. The end result, a mix of crunchy, juicy chicken on somun with cabbage salad, lettuce, tomato, and a yogurt-based doner sauce, is one of the best sandwiches in town.
Now let’s talk about my two favorite things that Balkan makes: the pide (pee-day) and the lahmacun (la-ma-june).
Imagine a Turkish man making a calzone, but getting distracted in the middle. That’s the pide. It’s like an enormous boat filled with filled with seasoned meat, Turkish cheese, kajmak, and ajvar, and it’s also one of the world’s great drunk foods.
You probably won’t finish it in one seating unless you’re sharing or an impressive eater, but if you’re sharing this, you’re dumb. Make your friend/coworker/spouse/child order their own. Take your leftovers and eat them for breakfast the next day.
Side note: Once in a blue moon, Balkan Treat Box teams up with the Stellar Hog for The Stellar Pide, where they use chef Alex Cupp’s smoked brisket. It’s one of the best things I ate in 2017.
Finally, the lahmacun. This is almost as rare as The Stellar Pide, but I’m hoping this post and your vocal support will change things.
Loryn rolls out the somun dough until flattened, like a gigantic Bosnian tortilla, tops it with spiced ground lamb, then fires it in the oven. Once it’s cooked, it’s topped with lemon, parsley salad, cabbage, herbs, tomato, and the doner yogurt sauce, then rolled up (or not—your call…but get it rolled). I cannot accurately express to you how delicious it is, but I can tell you that when I bite into it, this is what I hear.
Hunt down Balkan Treat Box. Give them your money. Help them open a restaurant. Make St. Louis a better place. Thank you.
SOmun Bread
Cevapi
somun bread, onion, spicy pepper, cabbage salad
Chicken Doner
On the spit
Chicken Doner
Served as a sandwich
Beef pide
Lahmacun
the love of my life
Pie Hard
“We wanted to dedicate our truck to the greatest hero this nation has ever known: John McClane,” chef/owner Michael Pastor tells me. “The documentary about his actions, Die Hard, has been my favorite film since the day it came out—almost exactly 9 months after I was born.”
I tried to explain to Pastor that Die Hard was fictional, to which he responded like so:
Every time his partner, Megan Keefe, myself, or the other cooks got on the truck, he’d yell “Welcome to the party, pal!” It was funny at first, but concerning after the first few times.
Anyway, he sees the Pie Hard pizza truck as a mobile tribute to McClane—it’s American-made, it’s saving people from hunger, and it’s pretty much unstoppable (it is a modified shipping container with a full-sized wood fired pizza oven in it, after all). He says the revelation came about a few years ago when he was re-watching the film doc and McClane tells the police supervisor, “No fucking shit, lady. Does it sound like I’m ordering a pizza?!”
“When he said that, I thought, whoa, John McClane likes pizza too?”
Pastor spent a year developing his recipes, especially the crust. What ultimately won out was a slow, cold fermentation process using Antimo Caputo flour from Naples, Italy—the result is a bubbly, chewy dough, in the same vein as Pastaria and Pizzeoli here in town.
The menu has classics, like The Queen (a.k.a. a margherita) and The Vladi, a vodka sauce and meatball pie dedicated to Vladi Tarsenko, but it also has a good amount of more inventive pizzas, as well.
The Veggie, for instance, has a celery root puree based, that is topped with cherry tomatoes, preserved lemon, grana padano, and an infused honey. The Al Pastor uses a Mexican mole for its sauce, plus a queso fresco mix, slivers of pickled pineapple, and shavings of pork belly. With their reasonable prices ($9-12), it’s easy to get a couple pies to share—or, in my case, a couple pies to eat on your own.
As my night on the truck came to an end, I found myself getting more and more uncomfortable with Pastor’s obsession with Bruce Willis John McClane lines. Every few pizzas, he’d blurt out, “I’m gonna fuckin’ cook you, and I’m gonna fuckin’ eat you!”
I opted to hop off the truck with my pizzas and join local legend Mike Emerson for rosé and…uh, 5 pizzas. The last thing I heard Pastor say before I was out of earshot was, “happy trails, Hans!”
Pie Hard pizza food truck gets two thumbs up from this guy.
