Stuff to eat. Mostly around St. Louis.

Spencer 8/13/15 Spencer 8/13/15

The Glory of Singapore Malls

The great American shopping mall is my personal hell. I went - out of necessity, not having time to order from Amazon - just before leaving for Singapore, arriving at exactly 10 am, aiming to avoid all human contact. Regrettably, it was full of fannypacked mall walkers, leaving me dodging the elderly left and right. I will never return. The typical Singaporean mall, on the other hand, is where I spent most of my time when I wasn't sleeping or working. Why? Well, when you're in a tiny country and not the urban sprawl, you don't have the luxury of space. You're limited horizontally, but not vertically. Your typical mall dives three or four stories below ground, with the bottom levels linked to the next closest mall or metro station. With everything connected, you rarely have to go out into the blazing heat to get from place to place.

The middle floors will be your typical stores, then the top will be either residential, a hotel, or office space. My apartment there was literally connected to the mall. From our pool deck, I looked into the restaurants and coffee shops. Think about all those lucky Starbucks customers who got to watch me sunbathe.

Speaking of restaurants and coffee shops: the malls are where you go to eat. There are, of course, tons of street-side restaurants throughout the country, but as new malls pop up monthly, the restaurants move inside. The biggest differentiation between U.S. mall restaurants and Singapore's is that their target clientele aren't mouthbreathers who think Cheesecake Factory is the greatest restaurant ever.

Seeing as I was living both above and next to a number of malls, it was only fitting I'd start my day there. Perhaps with Ya Kun's [symple_highlight color="blue"]kaya toast with peanuts[/symple_highlight] and a [symple_highlight color="blue"]kopi peng[/symple_highlight], the breakfast of fat champions. Kaya is this wonderful egg, coconut, and sugar spread that's sure to give you diabetes, and Kopi is the buttery Singaporean coffee, typically mixed with condensed milk, sure to give you diabetes.

Other healthy options include a wide range of donuts from J. Co, including Patricia's favorite, the [symple_highlight color="blue"]Avocado di Caprio[/symple_highlight]. Avocado glaze, avocado cream filling, chocolate flakes around the rim. Solid donut choice, right there.

Not a huge donut fan myself, I preferred to stop by Breadtalk and peruse. You get a tray and tongs, then you can just go crazy and grab all the breads you want!

Moving on from coffee shops and bakeries, you'll find a lot of small stalls that focus on one or two things. I'm a total slut for Japanese [symple_highlight color="blue"]takoyaki[/symple_highlight], so I'll usually hit up Gindaco once or twice. Takoyaki are molten balls of what is basically pancake dough, filled with octopus, green onion, crispy stuff, and who cares, just eat it. It's topped with a BBQ sauce, Japanese mayo, and bonito flakes. The temptation to eat it right away is strong, but if you do, you will burn your goddamn tongue off. TRUST ME.

Can't get enough balls? You could get the Hong Kong Egglet waffle from Far East Plaza for dessert.

Mall restaurants vary in size, with some seating 30 or so people, like Nam Nam Noodle Bar. Contrary to what the name would tell you, skip the noodles and get the bahn mi. You choose the meat (braised beef, caramelized pork belly, tofu, grilled chicken, chicken meatballs, lemongrass pork), then it's piled into a toasty baguette filled with chicken pate, cilantro, chilies, mayo, pickled carrots, daikon, and cucumber. If they would replace their bread with a better version, this would probably be the best bahn mi I've had.

Sick of East Asian food? No problem. Try Pita Pan, a Middle Eastern build-your-own pita shop. The setup is like Subway, except the food has mountains of flavor and they don't hire overweight pedophiles as their spokespeople (I don't think...). Speaking of Subway, all your favorite American chains are there: Kenny Roger's Roasters, KFC, McDonalds, etc. McDonalds Singapore has something called the McSpicy that packs enough heat to burn like the sun going in and out. A fitting punishment for eating McDonalds while in Singapore.

Something no one is making in St. Louis (and not even in the US, really) is Japanese curry. Most people think that the Japanese sit around eating dainty bites of sushi while drinking green tea. Wrong. They're at CoCo Ichibanya eating plates of curry the size of a small child. Just look at that pork katsu cutlet! And how about those shrimp? I'm getting hungry.

Maybe curry rice isn't your thing. Maybe [symple_highlight color="blue"]curry udon[/symple_highlight] from Tsuru-Koshi fits your needs better.

One of my all-time favorite spots to grab a meal in Singapore is at 4Fingers Fried Chicken. Korean style fried chicken brushed with either soy-garlic sauce or a fiery hot sauce with your choice of seaweed or kimchi fries. This chicken has megacrunch and great flavor. The gargantuan sandwich you see at the bottom has become my new go-to.

Finally, we have the food courts. Cheap eats cooked to order. I ate at the 313@Somerset FoodRepublic 3 or so times a week for nearly 2 years and didn't even get to try most of the stuff there.

A couple recommendations:

Popiah: it's a Singaporean vegetarian spring roll filled with all sorts of stuff. Crunchy stuff, soft stuff. Get it with chili.
Ayam Panggang, aka Indonesian Grilled Chicken: Holy sweet mother of God, this is it. This is my favorite of all the food court foods. You get grilled chicken topped with a sweet, thick black sauce, a mountain of rice, and an omelette. Then...the curry. I don't know what it is about this curry, but I'm 100% addicted to it. The woman at Indonesian Riverside BBQ in 313@Somerset knew me as "curry guy" 'cause I always wanted extra.
Roti Prata: Thin Indian bread that you can get plain or filled, served with a side of curry. Simple, fatty, wonderful.

If you ever make your way over, don't skip out on the malls: there are plenty of gems in there for you to eat.

Spencer 8/7/15 Spencer 8/7/15

Dumpling in Singapore

My early days in Singapore were rough: profuse and constant sweating, an apartment with walls so thin I could hear every loud, angry conversation my neighbors had, and no friends. I was a hot, tired, lonely manchild. I was also completely overwhelmed by the hundreds of eating choices within a 15 minute walk of my apart. So much so that I had taken to eating mostly grocery store sushi or attempting to cook on my tiny one-burner stove. I was in a food depression. After some Googling, I learned that the closest mall to me had this popular dumpling chain from Taiwan in it called Din Tai Fung (DTF). I decided I would man up and go eat there all by my lonesome.

That's where I had my first Xiao Long Bao, or soup dumpling, and my life was forever changed. I was going multiple times a week, trying everything I could. It became my go-to restaurant to take out of towners. The risk averse could stick with the XLB's and maybe a bowl of noodle soup, while the more intrepid could try the funky black and green century eggs.

Even now it remains Patricia and my "can't decide where to eat" restaurant. Twice on this past trip we ended up there. I've always loved that a meal there could be extremely healthy or the kind of glutinous feast that leaves you wheezing.

Simple starters range from the Oriental Saladin special vinegar dressing is a simple (below) to sliced duck in a crispy spring onion pastry.

Din Tai Fung Singapore Chili Oil Dumplings

If I'm not getting XLB's, which is rare, I'm getting the Oriental wantons in black vinegar and chili oil. The combination of Chinese vinegar and chili oil is just so goddamn good, I can't help but spoon the excess sauce into my mouth after I've killed off the wontons.

Every DTF has a window into the room where all dumplings and buns are made at lightning speed and steamed. Every dumpling is rolled out to an exact diameter, given an exact amount of meat, and folded exactly 18 times. All of this happens in seconds. I would be terrible at it.

At the nicer DTF locations, they have premium dumpling options, including chili crab and truffle. No longer able to resist temptation, I ordered a single Pork & Truffle Xiao Long Bao. One small dumpling, $5.00.

Was it worth it? Was it truffley? Oh mama. What makes a XLB magical is that solid meat aspic is in the filling, so when steamed, the aspic melts and the dumpling is magically filled with both a tiny meatball and piping hot soup. This truffle version had truffle in the broth, plus whole slices of shaved black truffles. It was truly a flavor bomb.

Din Tai Fung Singapore Truffle Xiao Long Bao

I remember the first time Patricia and I tried Paradise Dynasty, a beautiful, huge restaurant at the top of the ION Orchard mall. I felt like I was cheating on Din Tai Fung with a younger, richer, more beautiful restaurant. "Don't worry, DTF! I'm sure the food here isn't as good as yours!" I thought to myself.

I was so wrong. Paradise Dynasty was better in every way. In an instant, Din Tai Fung became the ugly ex-girlfriend. I Brad Pitted Din Tai Fung. Paradise's focus is less on dim sum and more on soups, noodles, and more hearty entrees, but their dumplings are incredible.

All of their ads are for their 8 flavored XLB's (original, garlic, Szechuan, ginseng, foie gras, black truffle, cheesy, and crab roe), but the original is king. The dumpling's skin is softer and less dough, the soup and pork vastly more flavorful. They are the greatest XLB's I've ever had.

St. Louis has so few options with soup dumplings that you probably don't know how to eat them correctly. Here are the steps, in photos:

Look at your dumplings. Plan your attack. Choose the juiciest one.
Pick it up - GENTLY, MAN! - and place it on your spoon.
Poke a hole in it so the soup runs into your spoon. Drink said soup. Alternately, you can just go at it like a vampire: bite it and suck.
Dip the soupless dumpling into your mix of soy/vinegar/ginger.

Paradise Dynasty Singapore Xiao Long Bao

Paradise Dynasty soup dumpling spoon Singapore

Paradise Dynasty Singapore xiao long bao sauce

Their other dumpling types are winners, too. The pan seared buns with a slightly sweet dough? Not sharing those. Their take on the dumplings in chili and vinegar? Not only are they way meatier than Din Tai Fung's, but the sauce has a much better balance thanks to some sweetness.

Paradise Dynasty Pan Fried Pork Bun Singapore

Paradise Dynasty crispy pork bun singapore

Paradise Dynasty Singapore wontons in chili oil

The fact I can't get dumplings this good in St. Louis makes me so, so sad. The only solution is that I will have to take on the endeavor myself, slaving away in my kitchen until I get it right. One day, Spencer's Dumpling Hut will be unveiled and all will rejoice.

Spencer 7/31/15 Spencer 7/31/15

Redhill Hawker Center

I'm standing in the middle of the Redhill hawker, a few minutes walk from the MRT station, already dripping with sweat. The fans of the open air food court don't do enough to cool me off, thanks to my pampered 24/7 air-conditioned life. I walk down the aisles, taking in the nearly 60 hawker stalls. Chicken rice, mee siam, curry chicken, BBQ stingray, dim sum, colorful iced desserts. Too many choices. Too hot to eat. Then I see it, like an oasis in the desert: the juice stand. One large sugar cane juice for me, one large mango-carrot juice for Patricia. Grand total: $3.70. Refreshed by the fresh juices - sugar cane juice rolled out of the long stalks, ripe mangoes blended with carrots - we continued the search for the perfect lunch.

Without visiting, it's impossible to understand the myriad of food options in Singapore. The country is and has been a melting pot since its inception, much like the US, but the size concentrates it. The primary cuisines are Chinese, Malay, Indonesian, and Muslim (typically Indian-esque food), broken down even further by specialty. Stalls tend to be limited to one or two of these - they may only serve bee hoon or satay - and their names reflect that. There's usually a Western-inspired stall, as well, which offers a random mix of spaghetti, chicken nuggets, and burgers. If you're a tourist or expat eating at that stall, you're weak and worthless.

Inside the ever growing number of malls, you'll find the cleaner, more expensive (a term I use loosely) food courts. Anything looks expensive compared to the hawker centers: you can get a 1/4 chicken in a huge bowl of curry with rice and veggies for $4. Same goes for a plate of BBQ duck. Besides the food being cheaper (and arguably better), the hawker centers provide the sort of cultural experiences that the food courts don't: shirtless old men demolishing huge plates of food, bathrooms with a $0.10 entrance fee.

Redhill was the first hawker center I ever visited. I remember walking through the adjacent building and being overwhelmed with the smells of fresh durian and seafood - you always remember your first wet market experience. It's like getting punched in the nose.

That first meal was my introduction to BBQ stingray, coated in thick, spicy sambal, and roti prata, a plate of thin Indian breads served with curry for dipping.

Redhill Food Centre Singapore Roasted Duck

Redhill Food Centre Hawker Stall Singapore

Redhill Food Centre Singapore Curry Chicken

Most hawker centers have at least a few 'famous' stalls, places that you'll have to queue for at peak hours. Some, like Tian Tian Chicken Rice at Maxwell Food Centre, are absurd, with 30-45 minute waiting times for a few slices of chicken. We made the brilliant decision to go later in the day so we could avoid the lines and not have to fight for a table. Important note about food courts/hawker centers: you need to bring something, usually a packet of tissues, to save, or "chope", your seat. You go in, find an empty spot, then toss your choping mechanism down. I realized early on that almost everyone uses the same packets of tissues, which makes it all very confusing. I remedied this by using my business cards for choping, to the amusement of my Singaporean friends.

We stopped at one of the more famous chicken rice stalls. This is the Singaporean dish. You get steamed or roasted chicken - I always get roasted - and a plate of rice cooked in an especially oily chicken broth, plus a small bowl of chicken soup. All that food you see on the tray below was $3.50. That's $2.50 in USD.

Redhill Food Centre Singapore Chicken Rice Stall

Redhill Food Centre Singapore Roasted Chicken

I didn't grow up eating chicken rice, so I can't judge them as well as, nor as passionately as, the locals. I thought this was good. The chicken was about as tender as you can make it, the chicken rice tasted like fatty chicken goodness, and when it was all topped with a mix of ginger, chili sauce, and dark sticky soy, it was really, really delicious.

Redhill Food Centre Singapore Roasted Chicken Rice

Redhill Food Centre Singapore Chicken Rice

Redhill Food Centre Singapore Loh Jia Pancake

Redhill Food Centre Singapore Pancake Stall

Our appetites are usually large enough to handle another dish or three, but an unplanned large breakfast threw things off. Instead, we headed over to the [symple_highlight color="blue"]Loh Jia Pancake[/symple_highlight] stall for dessert and got an $0.80 paper thin waffle-tasting pancake wrapped around sweet desiccated coconut.

Redhill Food Centre Singapore Coconut Pancake

It is, in my humble opinion, imperative that any visitor to Singapore visit a hawker center. Even if you're content on staying in the Orchard Road area, shopping till you drop, the Newton hawker center is just one stop away. Don't be intimidated by the terse vendors or the unfamiliar menus. The food is so cheap that even if you get something you don't like, you can go back up and get something else.

Plus, paying $10 for a meal for two will be a nice break for your wallet after paying $25+ per cocktail and $40-50 per entree at those fancyschmancy places you've been going to.

Spencer 7/27/15 Spencer 7/27/15

Tiong Bahru

I constantly find myself looking up when walking around Singapore. The country is notorious for its constantly changing landscape; down goes an old apartment complex and hawker center, up go the kind of modern marvels you don't even see in the US. I'm a sucker for them - if I had my way, I'd live in one those sixty story condo complexes with jungle gardens, rooftop pools, and robot butlers. I've always wanted to live in the futuristic world you see in movies, but since that doesn't exist, Singapore and Korea are suitable substitutes. With a country the size of Singapore (somewhere bigger than the city of Chicago and smaller than Memphis...with 5 million people), the effect of the build, build, build way of thinking has obvious effects on the once historical neighborhoods. Traditional homes and shophouses have been swept aside, with a few notable omissions. One of which is the Tiong Bahru neighborhood.

I'd been to Tiong Bahru before, but mostly in the evening and never set about to explore it. As Patricia, my girlfriend, and I ambled around, I suddenly felt like I wasn't in Singapore at all. The Tiong Bahru Estate was built in the 1930's with an Art Deco meets Singaporean shophouse design. Flat roofs and rounded buildings abound. It's like someone in Singapore visited Miami and said "that's what I'm going to build!"

Within 30 minutes of our walkabout, the heat had defeated us. Dehydration was creeping in. Luckily (I guess), Tiong Bahru has become a bit of a hipster hideaway. Replacing the old chicken rice and curry puff stalls are rows of artisan coffee houses, cafes, eateries, and art stores. It's on its way to being Singapore's Williamsburg.

I felt like I was in Portlandia when I went into BooksActually, a store that actually sells books. The young staff all wore the same glasses their parents did in the 80's, there were two mean cats eyeballing me, and the back of store was a mini-antique shop, selling old cups, Japanese magazines, and various other oddities no one will ever buy.

We made our way into Forty Hands Coffee, an Australian-owned shop. They partnered with Five Senses Coffee Australia to create Common Man Coffee Roasters, importing and roasting their beans in Singapore. The result is an elevated coffee experience, not unlike Sump or Blueprint in St. Louis. Below is their cold-drip, perfect for helping your kidneys regain functionality after a long walk outside.

Tiong Bahru Singapore Forty Hands Coffee

The menu is primarily Western, with sandwiches, salads, and mac & cheese, but there's Asian influence, as well. The menu touts their tau sar pau (red bean bun) as being Singapore's best, they have a red bean poster on the wall, and the staff said we should get it. So we did.

The hockey puck sized bun was dropped off just after it came out of the steamer. Lacking patience, I cut/tore it in half (burning my fingers), then took a bite (burning my mouth). I haven't had all that many red bean buns in my life, but this was the best I can remember. Super fluffy bread and a smooth, not overly sweet paste inside.

Tiong Bahru Singapore Forty Hands Tau Sar Pau

I've been let down so many times by Western dishes in Singapore, but I couldn't help myself: I had to try the 40 Hands Cubano. To our surprise, they pulled it off! Mojo pork, honey-smoked ham, jalapeño, and cheese on crusty Tiong Bahru Bakery baguette made for a solid sandwich, though meats both could have been more flavorful. When you say the ham is smoked, I want to taste that.

Tiong Bahru Singapore Pork Bun Forty Hands

Tiong Bahru Singapore Braised Pork Forty Hands

The real surprise came from the Kong Bak Pau (Asian pork sliders). Steamed buns, lettuce, and a cup full of fall-apart tender pork braised in a soy-garlic concoction. I could have eaten 3 or 4 of these myself.

Feeling a bit unhealthy after our carbs and pork lunch, we decided to walk down the street to Plain Vanilla, a cafe and bakery. I loved the design - They made the front section a covered outdoor seating area with the door to actually go inside the shop way back there. A pretty bold move to not have an airconned sitting area for customers in a place just off the equator, but it was surprisingly pleasant out there.

Tiong Bahru Singapore Plain Vanilla Patio

Tiong Bahru Singapore Plain Vanilla Seating

Tiong Bahru Singapore Plain Vanilla Table

While you wait for your coffee or pastry to be prepared, you can spin around and check out their wall of goods for sale, ranging from gourmet honey and jam to decorative pillows that you'll remove before guests arrive so they don't touch them with their filthy hands.

Plain Vanilla Tiong Bahru Singapore Pastries

Plain Vanilla Tiong Bahru Singapore Interior

Thank god I had already eaten lunch, because I would have gone mental in here otherwise. Salted caramel truffle tarts beckoned me, massive brownies dusted in cocoa powder begged me to eat them, lemon cream tarts taunted me. I regained control of myself and took a step back, stopping myself from ordering one of everything. Seeing as Patricia is the Tiong Bahru expert and person who brought me to Plain Vanilla, I let her pick.

Plain Vanilla Tiong Bahru Singapore Caramel Tart

Plain Vanilla Tiong Bahru Lemon Tart Singapore

Brownies Plain Vanilla Tiong Bahru Singapore

Plain Vanilla Tiong Bahru Singapore Shortbread

She went for the Earl Grey Lavender Cupcake, a bold choice because cupcakes are usually worthless pieces of garbage. Shitty bakeries get away with selling cupcakes because they can dress them up pretty. If I can make the same thing at home with little effort, I don't want to spend $5 on each one at your shop.

Every once in awhile, I can be wrong. The Earl Grey Lavender cupcake was actually delicious. Soft cake with the distinct Earl Grey flavor of black tea and bergamot, topped with a light (and most importantly, not too sweet) lavender icing. Cupcakes are still bullshit, but Plain Vanilla gets a pass.

Cupcakes Plain Vanilla Tiong Bahru Singapore

Plain Vanilla Tiong Bahru Earl Grey Singapore Cupcake

If you're a visitor to Singapore or a local Singaporean who hasn't spent much time in Tiong Bahru, I implore you to go. Support the small local businesses, spend some time walking through the old neighborhoods. Who knows when it will all be torn down to make way for something 'better'.

Spencer 7/16/15 Spencer 7/16/15

Motorino

If you follow me on Twitter/Facebook/Instagram/Tinder, you know that I'm in Singapore. I've been here for just over a week and won't be back to the US until August. I've been like a kid in a candy store, hopping from hawker stall to hawker stall, restaurant to restaurant. I don't want to shock anyone with these strange Far East treats, though, so we'll start things off with something more familiar: pizza. Motorino, a New York City based Neapolitan pizza shop, has spread its wings in recent years and expanded to Singapore, Manila, and Hong Kong. After eating so much good pizza in St. Louis, I had to try it out and see how it compared.

Motorino Singapore is located in Clarke Quay, a touristy area with restaurants like "Wings", a US Air Force theme chicken restaurant, Hooters, and, in years past, a hospital themed restaurant. It's the place to go to see drunk Australians playing in a fountain made for children. The restaurant itself is small, about 10 tables inside and nearly the same on the patio.

Like any good pizza place, the oven is the focal point, the beating heart of the restaurant. It also helps to keep the restaurant warm on cool nights - something that doesn't exist in Singapore - so it just served to make the restaurant nearly unbearably warm. You've got AC! Turn it on!

We started the meal with their meatballs, baseball-sized balls of juicy pork coated with a thin, slightly sweet tomato sauce, basil, and a hint of pecorino. I could have done with more cheese (who couldn't?), but these were a big hit at the table. One of the pizza customization options was to get these on top, something I'll do if I return.

Our first pizza was the Soppressata Piccante, a spicy salami pizza with chili peppers, oregano, and sea salt. (There was a yellow spotlight behind us, shining onto our table, which meant that after sunset, the pictures started looking a little wonky. Just pretend they look perfect.) I liked this one - the mix of good tomato sauce, melty mozzarella, and the salty & spicy soppressata gets my approval. I thought the topping to crust ratio was a bit off, though. You can see that the crust pieces are pretty substantial.

Their dough is, by design, breadier than I prefer, so I actually ended up not eating most of the crust. Sacrilege, I know! It was all so I could eat more of the next pizza, though! I had good intentions.

Our second pizza was the Cremini Mushroom and Sausage. From the description - Gaeta olives, garlic, sweet sausage, thyme - I thought it was going to be bursting with flavor. Somehow it ended up being very one-note, essentially a cheesy mushroom toast. Everything else was overpowered (or there simply wasn't enough) to counter the mushrooms. I only had one piece of this.

Aside from the mushroom pizza, I liked my meal at Motorino, but wasn't blown away. St. Louis wins this round, without a doubt in my mind. Next up for my global pizza tour will be Mario Batali's Pizzeria Mozza. It's been almost two years since I've had it, but it was my #1 favorite up until I left Singapore. Will it take down St. Louis' finest? We shall see in the next few weeks.

Motorino

Merchant's Court #01-01A

3A River Valley Rd

Singapore 179020

6334-4968

Spencer 1/29/15 Spencer 1/29/15

Singapore Botanic Gardens

There are two easy places I like to go to try out new lenses: the zoo and the botanical gardens. Singapore's Botanic Gardens provided a totally different experience than any I'd been to in the U.S., making it a perfect place to practice shooting. The gardens, founded over 150 years ago, take up nearly 180 acres in the center of Singapore, making it a great location to break away from the skyscrapers and congestion. Then again, it's like 95 degrees with 150% humidity there everyday, so it can be pretty brutal walking around. I had my share of trying experiences there. The first time I ever went there, I was walking along one of the outer paths in the jungle portion of the park. As I aimlessly sauntered about, I froze when I saw there was an enormous black tropical spider in an enormous web only inches in front of my face. After running away and crying behind a fern, I regained my composure and stumbled my way back to the front of the park. Another time I brought all my gear but forgot my memory card. On my last visit, my girlfriend and I lasted about 30 minutes before we were both drenched in sweat and delirious, seeking the salvation of a taxi and some A/C.

I have no idea what most of these crazy plants are. A good deal of them come from their world class orchid collection. Enjoy!

Spencer 5/15/14 Spencer 5/15/14

The Ubud Hanging Gardens Hotel

When you think of Bali, what do you think of? I think of the beautiful beaches, the 5-star resorts, the ancient temples. I think of the disorder of the Denpasar airport, the shittier beaches covered in drunk assholes, the poverty you have to drive through to get to your resort. The incredible foods and foliage. The beautiful paintings and carvings. Bali is a complex animal that I both love and hate.

I've yet to travel through Bali's huge new airport, but if it's run anything like the previous one, it's a mad house full of stores selling typical tourist crap--sir, would you like a carved wooden penis?--with no food options. I hope it's not. The old Denpasar airport was hot and crowded with chairs you had to share with roaches.

I would break down Bali's main tourist areas into four parts:

Seminyak: Nice resorts and small houses in town. Good restaurants nearby, as well as some shopping. My recommendation for where to stay if you're visiting. The W Hotel is awesome. Pretty close to...
Kuta: Kuta is the party zone and home to an army of drunk Australians.
Nusa Dua: Bali's original tourist area, away from everything else. Lots of resorts all right next to each other in a blocked off area. The most touristy area for sure. Staying here doesn't feel much different than staying in Florida, Hawaii, etc. I don't recommend it.
Ubud: A few hours inland is Ubud, my favorite place in Bali. You're in the jungle surrounded by ancient villages and temples, as well as some of the best artisans in all of Bali.

We started our trip in Ubud. Wanting to making sure that the trip was as memorable as possible, we decided to throw down and stay at the Ubud Hanging Gardens. The people of Bali are so friendly. I can't think of a single place I've gone where everyone was nicer. Our driver from the hotel was no exception, even with his limited English. After two and half hours, we arrived at our hotel, which felt a lot like arriving at Jurassic Park. Strangers in a strange land, surrounded by an overwhelming jungle full of dinosaurs (okay, maybe not that part). The Hanging Gardens are famous for how romantic they are with their hillside villas and private pools. Knowing this, I made sure to remark in my reservation that I was traveling with my brother and that we would need two separate beds. We may be from Missouri, but we're not that Missouri.

"Hello Mr. and...Mr...Pernikoff," the check-in woman said a bit quizzically. She was probably looking through her notes to see if we were there for a romantic couples trip or otherwise. Then we were told that the twin bed villa we requested wasn't actually available at the moment. Great. Nothing like spending 3 days cuddled up in bed with my brother.

In an amazing twist, they apologetically told us we'd be staying in largest option, the family villa. Well, okay then! We were taken down the little hillside tram (funicular) to our "room". Now I know what it feels like to be P.Diddy. We had a two story villa overlooking the valley below. The upstairs had a huge master bedroom with windows looking out over our pool, a gigantic bathroom, a huge deck and a private pool. The downstairs had another deck, twin beds and a separate large bath. Not too shabby for one unemployed college kid and his awesome older brother.

Our time at the resort was incredible, even with the heavy rainshowers we had to endure. The food was spectacular, the staff were delightful and I didn't have to cuddle with my brother (but I did it anyway).

The only negative thing that happened was a humongous spider decided to hang out just outside our shower window, making every shower a horrifying experience.

Ubud Hanging Gardens deck bali hotel room

private pool Ubud Hanging Gardens bali hotel

infinity pools Ubud Hanging Gardens bali